fever dream

you were like a downed power line, i was afraid of you so i kept my distance but i hung back in the shadows waiting to see someone else get hurt. but they stayed away, too.

you were like a deep cut from a kitchen knife. i was trying to create something both of us could share. vivid, alive when it happened. now, decades later i can see a faint reminder but the skin has been shed and replaced many times over.

evening in spring, 1994. you are getting dressed.

browsing the devices you use to look more beautiful. you don't need them, i think.

we're going to be late, i say.

my hair needs to dry, you say.

just blow dry it, i say.

do you have any idea what would happen if i used a hair dryer on my hair?, you said.

actually ______, i have no idea at all what would happen, i said.

but i was smiling. and you were, as well.

in a hurry to be adult but doing a better job of it than i am now.

in photographs your hair looks different now.

who is this man who made you change it?

a song comes on the radio that reminds me of you.

i can't recall ever hearing you sing. i can't recall even hearing you listen to music.

still, i shut the door and sing along.