inside hurt

another common question:

did you get the machine working on the first try? how long did it take to build?

i guess i'll be upfront and honest: it took a long time to make the machine. once i realized crystal pepsi was the fuel, i went through months of experiments just trying to figure out how to utilize it properly--remember I was doing this blindly; there's not some guide out there.

i spent a lot of afternoons in the apartment trying different things. went through an assload of crystal pepsi, too. and that stuff ain't cheap, let me tell you. among the things i tried:

bathing the dog in it (no visible change in space-time continuum)
basting cucumbers with it (again, no change. interesting flavor though)
firing it at innocent pedestrians via a supersoaker ($200 fine + court costs and now i can't fly anywhere because i'm on some "watch list")
singing "old time rock and roll" into the bottle as if it were a microphone (just for kicks)
clutching the bottle tightly and rolling around in a grassy field with it (i think maybe... maybe? no i just fell in love, no time travel)
grilling the bottle on a foreman (major fire)
grilling the bottle in a small interrogation room, actually my closet (major dad)

finally i spent six weekends in a row creating a super light-weight, titanium and alloy encased vehicle with tiptronic steering, maglev propulsion and hybrid ethanol backup energy systems. i called it the radmobile and it was sweet. but i couldn't get it out of the bathroom, the door was too narrow. so that sucked.

anyways a few weeks later i was tiptoeing around in circles in my bedroom to "Everybody Do The Dinosaur" and i fell and busted six of my front teeth out. it was around then that i figured out how to appropriately utilize the Crystal Pepsi as fuel.